I hardly classify myself as an expert mother. I fail with my kids. Every day. Bad.
But I have observed something about my kids lately that I wanted to share. My daughter had been throwing many tantrums as of late over ‘not getting what she wants’. She is starting to assert (and by ‘assert’, I mean scream) “I don’t WANT to!” several times per day.
What are your thoughts on that? Because that kind of temper tantrum can bring down even the strongest, most educated of parents. When my kids start down the familiar path of defiance – I find myself processing the usual emotions:
- Denial – “Are you REALLY throwing a tantrum over this?”
- Anger – “You will NOT talk back to me!”
- Self Pity - “WHY do you always do this to me?”
- Guilt – “I must be the WORST mom ever to make you be like this.”
- Blame – “WHO taught you how to do this?”
- Self Righteousness – “I am the mom! Just do what I SAY!”
- Depression – “I can’t take this anymore, just do what you want.”
- Rage – “You will do what I say or I am gonna BEAT the crap out of you!”
- Compromise – “Well what about this instead, honey?”
- Passiveness – “I am so sorry sweetie! What would you like to do? ANYTHING to keep you happy, darling!”
I also have been known to, once or twice, blame God, himself, for my kid’s behavior. I would love, more than anything, to make the claim that these are all hypothetical; and that I, myself, have never felt or said any of these things towards my children. But I shamefully confess that I have.
The million dollar question is not only “How do I, as a mother, stop these patterns in myself?” but also, “How do I put an end to the meltdowns to begin with?”
This morning Vivienne’s dad asked her to wear a dress to church. You would have thought he asked her to set herself on fire and at the same time walk across red hot coals.
Share with me your thoughts. Be honest with how you handle these situations. How would you like to? As moms – let’s be here for each other. Let’s share and work these things out together.
No comments:
Post a Comment