So often we really need to know the entire situation and context behind what is going on. Here’s my example:
If I was being evaluated on my parenting abilities and I told the Social Worker that I threaten my kids with an alligator, she’d probably have some questions. I tell the kids the alligator will eat them if they do not get dressed in PJ’s and brush their teeth. Then in the morning, they will be eaten by an alligator for not getting dressed for the day. I am certain that it would not fall under the “child abuse” category but perhaps the Social Worker would at least raise an eyebrow? She might jot down that I have limited resources to control my children. At minimum if she was going to pass out an award for Mother of the Year, she’d skip right on over the lady who threatens her children with being eaten by an alligator (especially just to get them dressed)!
Ok, here is where the context comes in to play. I have a 4 year old boy who loves to pretend to be animals… the stronger the better. Both of my kiddos, 2 and 4 do not particularly enjoy and sometimes just down right refuse to get dressed. In either direction by the way, in Pj’s, they say, “it’s fine, I’ll stay right here in them.” In day clothes, Pj’s mean transitioning to bed, so that would be a big fat, “no way Jose!” I’d just leave them in their clothes but they start to smell and look ridiculous. Valerie spent Thanksgiving day in her PJ’s. Which, by the way, you only get away with that when you are 2 (and as cute as her). So, now you see my daily battle, predicament, annoyance, and what can leave every members in tears over; changing of the clothes.
A couple of night ago when the protests against bed time starting rising in 2 small children I was determined to outwit them. Combined, they have more energy than I. I had to use my brain muscle. I tricked them into becoming various animals and to see which one was the fastest to get to their bedroom. They turned their tears and protests into animal sounds, laughter, and Aidan yelling about how he is the fastest. Dad walks in at just about this time. Dad proclaims to be the mighty alligator. Dad takes the role with due seriousness and pretends to want to eat them. Mom seizing the moment to protect her bear cubs (or whatever animal they were at the time) by telling them that the alligator can’t eat little animals in their PJ’s. Then teeth brushing would keep him at bay. Both kids got dressed faster then ever before. This time, giggles and laughter abound. With some gator chomping noise in the background. We continued the game in the morning and it was another success!
Within the context of the situation it doesn’t sound so bad to say that I threaten my kids with an alligator to get dressed! Sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to make it work. Sure, yelling a thousand times, hitting, pinching, grabbing, grounding, berating, belittling, really threatening harm might eventually work. Perhaps it just depends on the real result you are looking for when you parent your children? Do you just want the job done with the willingness to have your children walk away feeling ashamed, inadequate, incapable, and in some cases with a stinging/ burning feeling on their behind? I don’t. I’d rather my daughter arrive to Thanksgiving dinner in her PJ’s because that is what she wanted to wear. On the days that it is important to dress in a certain way or be on time, I’d rather play a silly game and laugh our way to the result.
I am by no means a perfect parent. I can say that I strive my best to do what is right for my kids and not what might feel right (or good) for me. It would have felt really good to let out a yell when Aidan spilled his milk in my van (the 5th spill of food/ drink in less than 8 hours). It would not have been even close to right for Aidan. I’ll just have to let that mean old alligator get him next time! 
When you see or hear something, be sure you know what you are really judging first. Use your brain muscle to engage your children rather than your hand/arm muscles to control your child. Learn to control yourself before you even try to teach anyone else how to behave. I promise the results are better for not only the child but for the parent as well.
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