Change

Its something that happens to all of us. We may not notice it, but it happens. It can be good or bad. I had the chance to go to a Prayer meeting at my church on Tuesday night. I was quite nervous to go at first. I didn’t know what to expect or if I would know anyone there. I’m so glad that I went! Not only did it make me feel closer to other church members and our pastor, but it totally brought me closer to God. It was like a super intimate worship time between God and myself..I got lost in the powerful presence of the Lord in that place. It has forever changed me.

Change has been something on my mind a lot lately. Some of it my decision but some of it forced upon me. On Halloween, I was given an intervention of sorts by family. I was listening to them tell me some pretty horrible things about myself. None of which were actually true–and I know that in my heart. One of the things that struck me, though, was that I’m not the same person I was 4 years ago. You’re absolutely right! I’m not the same person i was 4 years ago! Its called growth and change..I think that I would be a pretty sad person if I hadn’t changed in that amount of time. Many many things have happened since then!

One of the biggest things is that I now have a true relationship with Christ. Not just a surface level one, a real, to the heart, loving relationship. That right there completely changes a person forever! My eyes have been opened to some very real things and all of it is because of the love, grace and mercy of God. It has not all been good things but I’m coming to realize that God has a plan for all of us.

God gave us free will. He could have MADE us love him and accept him but he didn’t. He CHOSE to give us the choice to follow Him. Here in lies our sin and failures. I believe that when things happen to us, good or bad, it is a result of our free will combined with God’s plan. He knew us before we were even made. He knows what He wants for us. He knows that we are in a war every day of our lives. He doesn’t ask much from us in return. Sometimes when I’m troubled and thinking that I cannot carry on the way I’m going or through whatever it is that I’m going through, I picture Jesus carrying the cross and being crucified. He went through all of that for us! HE ENDURED FOR ME! Wow! that makes me step back and think..I can handle this!

I have changed. I see things differently, I treat people differently. I am different. I love my family and my children with all my heart but if I don’t put God first and love Him, then what am I showing my kids? God doesn’t love us “when he has time for it” or “only on Sundays”. He loves us all the time even when we go against His word and honor. Even when we sin against him, he still opens his arms to us and welcomes us back in with open and loving arms. Now how many people can say they can do that? Without any judgement or critizims or anything of that nature. Just as Jesus did when he walked this earth? Its something that we can strive for. I’m striving for it. Life can truely be better when you keep your eyes on the Lord.

So yes, I have changed. My priorties have changed. Maybe people don’t understand it. “Your kids should come first”.. Well yes, in a way they do, when it comes to earthly things, they come first. I’ve been getting up really really early in the morning to have meditation time with God. This is really hard for me because my children are terrible sleepers. But I prayed and asked for the energy to do it and guess what? it happened! God wants to talk with me every morning at 530am.  That gives me the calmness and positiveness that I need to deal with my children throughout the day.

I’m trying not to ask why anymore but what can I learn from this. Every trial that we face, should bring us closer to God. I’m content with not understanding it all; that’s why I have faith.

So when someone confronts me and tells me that I’m not the same person that I was 4 years ago. You’re right, I’m not. I think I’m better than I was. God has led me here. If I need to change again, God will lead me there as well.