By Independent Consultant Michelle Glasshappy
-Don’t have sex with your children. Trust me, they just aren’t that into you.
-Raising a kid is a lot like cooking a soufflé. If you don’t get the timing just right, the whole thing is ruined. So take care to not wait until age 5 or 8 to start potty training. Also, don’t fuck your soufflé. That is very bad.
-Make sure that you feed them a good, balanced dinner everyday. Add lots of veggies to it and switch things up every once in a while to introduce new flavors. Do not switch things up by sodomizing them.
-Religion and childrearing is a controversial subject, but I’m willing to say that if your faith helps you then you should go ahead and introduce your children to the church as well. It will form a closer familial bond. Make sure that your child behaves and that the clergy does not have sex with your child.
-When you have the sex talk, don’t have sex with your kid to help to illustrate your points.
-Giving your kids candy every once in a while won’t fuck them up. Just don’t make them hunt for it in your vagina.
-Family pets can be an excellent way to give children an element of responsibility early on without overwhelming them. Taking care of a dog will help prepare them for bigger responsibilities later on. Do not have sex with the family pet, or any children associated with the family pet.
-There is a lot of confusion surrounding the safety of vaccinations. The universal conclusion in the medical and scientific community is that you are way better off getting vaccines for your kids. The threat of allergies and autism are just trumped up by ideological groups. Injecting dead viruses into your kids is significantly better for them than injecting them with penises.
-To help your kids understand the value of a dollar, don’t have sex with them. Oh wait, I mean you should have them do chores in exchange for an allowance rather than just handing them money. And don’t make them have sex with you. That is not an appropriate chore!
-If you are taking your kids on a road trip to Disneyland, and they insist that they need to use the bathroom, don’t say “Sure, but you gotta have sex with me first.” That is just bad motherhood.
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