I had been diagnosed as pre-diabetic a few years ago, but then my numbers got better so I quit paying attention to it.  I stopped taking my one little pill a day, that I was supposed to be doing.  Big mistake.

This last week, I began to take my blood sugars again, as I was supposed to be doing for the last 4 months or so.   Of course, the numbers were up.  Not so high as to not be manageable, but I was so angry about having to deal with this at all.  I have struggled enough to accept my body, and have been through a lot with it, and now I have to deal with my blood sugars again?  It felt overwhleming.

I spent one whole day just feeling sorry for myself, and I didn’t even want to eat.  Eating would mean I would have to deal with where the numbers were.  Of course I ate, because not eating would only make it worse.  After that day, my perspective turned a corner.

This should been seen as a mercy.  I have been piddling around with my abstinence, and in my heart there was still a place that was looking to binge.  There was still a desire to find a way to overeat, and confess it, and move on.  I was still believing the lie that perhaps cheating sometimes, and planning on cheating sometimes, didn’t really matter.

And now the Lord has put me in a place where I cannot ignore it.  I must take control of this now, or I will be diabetic, on insulin, and lose out on the quality of my health overall.  I want to see my children grow up, get married, and to meet my grandchildren.

No more fiddling while Rome is burning.  I can do this, because God will give me the strength to.  I have a great sponsor who is so supportive, and-just for today- I am thankful for this.  I find I cannot take this more than one day at a time, because I will be overwhelmed, and that is not God’s will for my life.

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