You Slay Me

I’m about 99% sure that if I ever get married, there will be no children involved. One, because I want to have a career that will leave me with very little time to spend changing diapers and wiping spit-up off my expensive clothing; two, because most marriages end in divorce, and divorce is hell on children involved in them. Case in point: my parents are ridiculous beings, and insist on involving me in their ridiculousness at almost every turn.

It’s spring break, and I have two weeks off this year. Which should be a time for me to just relax and not have to stress or worry about anything. But no, I have to deal with my dad’s demand that I spend time with him, and my mom’s constant need to monopolize my time. I love my dad, but honestly, I really just want to sit at home-my mom’s house-and do nothing. This break was supposed to give me some alone time. My mom is working and my sister is at school. Except the only time I could spend with my dad was this week, and he doesn’t work outside the home, and my step-mom has a job, she just never seems to go to it. So I’m going to have no time alone. What I really want to do is stay up late, sleep in late, watch crap tv and lay around with my laptop. But of course my dad wants to give me a hard time for sleeping in, and then he’s always bugging me about doing things, or talking to him. I don’t want to fucking talk. I just want to spend my break by myself. Because before I know it, it will be time to go back to school, back to living with 100 other girls, back to living with my roommate. And it’s kind of hard to get time alone when my roommate is always around. To top it off, by the time I go back to my mom’s house-where I really want to be-I’ll be getting my wisdom teeth out, and my mom will constantly be around.

It’s so frustrating. I’m constantly put in the middle because they each want to spend as much time with me as possible, and it’s like a constant tug-of-war for who gets me when. I’m just glad that there aren’t any formal “parenting times” anymore. That was torture when I was younger, and it would be even more annoying now. I honestly can’t wait to go to college, so I won’t have to deal with this anymore. I thought it would be different when I went away to school this year, but it’s not. Hence, me not having children. I don’t want to put any children through the hell that I go through sometimes.

[Via http://theobsession.wordpress.com]

The tigers among the woods

We have heard a lot about this gentleman, who is not sure how to keep himself in balance, once he comes in touch with the ladies, holding the powers he is allowed to have.

It seems our total absence of mercy is revealed in each comment and also in each joke the messengers of mass information let appear in their smirk, within the contempt it possesses for the difficulty a non-perfect person has, in a moment he doesn’t know how to get rid of. No mercy on him.

Would it be wrong because he got caught, and the others did not?, or would this be wrong because he is missing consideration on his votes of honor to his wife?

I don’t think anyone is thinking about the human souls involved in this case, but are instead in how out of contest it is, to have his sexual talents used so ‘inappropriately’, in a manner everyone can ’see’ it.

His wife will not have the chance to forgive him, even if it is possible for her understandable love for him, because there will be watchers making sure she will not be ‘weak’ to forgive the man who cannot find himself, as ‘unique’ as he is,  in this same kind of case.

Seems that you can do it, once you don’t get caught, or that we will condemn anyone who does such a thing, before we get caught.

While this gentleman life’s is exposed that way, nobody is really worried in doing something that  is positive, or even useful for our society. In the opposite, we are giving the children the worse kind of example in judgment and absence of mercy.

In the meaning time, we will keep ourselves sneaking between the woods, doing the same thing, planning to do it or dreaming of doing it, which is all the same thing.

Before the comments turn the ‘condemnation thing’ against the writers,  take a look at Mr. Tiger Woods educational society, see what we have taught him to adore, to appreciate, to become involve in. Go back a little in time, to see the movies he used to admire, the stories his friends were also educated to tell him how to get deep in the ‘wonders’ of sex, the examples the celebrities brought to the news at his time in a huge variety of scandals and permittivity. – We taught him the way to get out of balance, while we keep hiding in the woods, watching who will be next. – We allow the information to circulate among our children, we are educating them to be or to love those things, about everything.

Does the word hypocrisy mean anything, with the sense that it makes, in this case? Isn’t it enough to know that for some people sex is a prison, a trap, an addiction which allows no way out? Are we going to keep making disgusting comments and stretching the subject to provoke more adepts to our insane beliefs?

We believe that we can do anything, once we have no publicity around it. But when are we going to  believe that we have to do something about it in a human manner?

Nice words are nice, and that is it. Nobody with such a problem needs this kind of attention, they need solutions, as any other addiction problem.

Let me guess. Nobody knows the solution, right? We are just like him and in this case, how can we present something that we don’t have?

After you say that society has a nice behavior and he should do the same, and other old silly cliches, think about the woods people are hiding in from the same lack of solution he isn’t able to hide, being a public person. We have abandoned him as a child, as well as we are abandoning our own child now. Do we really want to believe we will get good results from this? Are we going to keep thinking this is other people lives, but not ours? What else are we going to do to trick our own lives? To find someone to crucify and while the scandals roll, nobody pays attention in my mistakes?

Great solution Society, Great solution!

Isn’t Mr. Tiger Woods a good reflection of everyone who is not showing who they are, while we are scrutinizing  who is exposing himself in an attempt to find inside the society, a solution, even if it mean a lot of pain?

That is what we need:

Good solutions Society, Good Solutions!

[Via http://theunitedartists.wordpress.com]

What is special about youth?

I saw a kid near my apartment the other day, and he was gardening. Probably 7 years old, I asked him how his plant was doing. We had a long conversation about his horticultural skills, and at the end I started to walk away and wished him good luck with his plant and said that I hoped for it grow healthily. He then looked at me and said, “well actually you know, this isn’t a plant. This is just two twigs I stuck in the ground.” I laughed and said “O well in that case, it probably won’t grow then.”

He looked back at me and shrugged his shoulders and said “Yea well, you never know,” and for some reason, the way he said it made me agree even though of course I knew nothing would come of two sticks in the ground. I said “Yea, you never do.”

What this shows to me is that our relationship to kids is much more complex than we think. On some crude explanations of the world, in which everything is reduced to either economics or evolution, the explanation would be this: “You indulge children and find them so wonderful because you are genetically programmed to care about and defend them. You see them in a certain light.” That might partially be true, but there is then the other side of human life, which is the rational side and the side of wonder.

I think that children strike us with wonder not because we are programmed to find them cute and worthy of defense but also because they are pre-rational. They are clues as to how gaining a character and rationality changes us. As we become older, we notice ourselves indulging in activity that was previously unknown to us. We become bitter or petty or jaded or disillusioned or ambitious or over-intellectualized and we wonder how continuous this behavior is with our smaller selves. Some people see total continuity. The bullying of the playground becomes the power grabs of boardrooms. Others see a sharp discontinuity. The innocence of children is replaced with obligations, responsibilities, and social pressures. On one view, biology is active from childhood and spills right over into adulthood. On the other, childhood is one way, and then human life and culture makes us different. I’m not sure which I really believe, but something about this conversation with this kid really struck me.

[Via http://questionbeggar.wordpress.com]

Don't Use Phrases You Don't Want To Come True

Yesterday I caught myself muttering to myself. Yes, the massive never-ending Passover cleaning I was in middle of was not helping my mood. For those who don’t know what Passover cleaning is, think spring cleaning and then multiply the amount of work and agitation.

(Photo courtesy of Allen Goldblatt)

It did not help matters that as I was actually managing to make some progress cleaning out the pantry/mud room the CamelBak water pouch my kids had used a few weeks back on a field trip leaked water all over a bunch of knapsacks. Why they had never bothered to dry it out completely or put it where it belonged is beyond me and the wet mess I had on my hands was just extra frustrating because of that.

So like I said, I found myself muttering to myself and the next thing I knew I muttered to my husband: “Your kids should be shot.” Obviously they are his kids when they do something wrong, but right after that phrase came out of my mouth, something inside me stirred.

For the first time in all the years that I have used that phrase I actually heard what I said and the potential significance of it. I had just said that my kids should be shot. Something that in this country was not unheard of, especially seeing as my eldest son is in the army and carries a rifle.

I then thought about how lightly I use potentially loaded phrases. How often have I blurted out to someone, “I am going to kill you.”? I have no intention of ever killing someone, so why would I even use those words?

Sure there are some phrases that are just figures of speech that we don’t really mean. For instance telling someone before a show to “Go break a leg”. Or telling someone to “Go jump in a lake.” A few less polite phrases came to mind as well, but since I am obviously a lady, I won’t “repeat’ them.

I find it very interesting that a phrase I have used loads of times in the past, out of nowhere touched on a nerve yesterday and made me pause and think. How many times do we say stupid things that we don’t really mean or want to happen and we do it all without giving it a second thought.

I think that my thought process was kick started yesterday to remind me to look at the big picture and not to get so caught up in trivial things like cleaning and forget that what is really important is my kids and family and that I should watch the words coming out of my mouth.

Words have a lot of power. I don’t necessarily think that if I say someone should be shot that they are going to be. What I do think is that by getting upset at them for something not earth shattering I am sending negative energy out into the world. I am a believer that what you put out into the world is what gets returned to you, so why would I ever want to send out negativity instead of love and patience.

(Photo courtesy of H. Michael Karshis)

The lesson is that next time an unbecoming phrase tries to cross your lips, think twice about whether or not you actually want to utter it.

So what phrases have you said that you really would never want to come true?

[Via http://newdaynewlesson.wordpress.com]

Cute things my kids said

After seeing my son (5) crawl through the doggy door:

Me: “Dereck why are you climbing through the doggy door?”

Him “well thats because doggys like doggy doors *pause* and so do brothers.     (he is a brother after all)

After a big long description of battle and military stuff from my then 8 year old.

Me:  so you want to join the military?

Him: “No *rolls eyes* I don’t want to JOIN the army I want to HAVE an army”

Geeze he’s already dreaming of world domination.

3 year old:  “mom, can I sit on your head?”

Me:  “NO”

Him “But I WANT to sit on your head….please….pleeeease……double please???”

Rinse and repeat ten more times lol

Me: “What should we have for lunch?”

3 year old: “Jelly beans….cause jelly beans is food”

I had to ask right?!?

Dereck’s fav. joke

Him: knock knock

Me: Who’s there?

Him: cheese

Me: Cheese who?

Him: *rolling on the floor laughing*

I guess just getting me to say “cheese who” is really funny to him lol

[Via http://faerieshadow.wordpress.com]

Do You Have What it Takes to be a Disgruntled Employee?

“Another day, another dollar,”  That’s what most working class folks say as they drag themselves out of bed to head to an office where anyone barely knows their name unless they need something.  Yup…you guessed — it’s another day at the office.  Or the sh*t hole, as most employees commonly refer to it.  The office is the one place where you are guaranteed to be underappreciated, overworked, left out, judged, criticized and expected to deal with it – all for the love of a small paycheck and a short lunch break.  It’s the American way.

To be eligible for a position in any office situation, you have to have what it takes to prove you are able to handle all things deadly that comes in the forms of memos, emails and useless meetings.  You have to know how to play the game in order to survive.  You heard correctly…the game!  Most of your of coworkers could care less about you.  Sure, you may have that one whom you eat lunch with regularly, but don’t be fooled by the 30 minute company.  They’re only hanging with you until quitting time.  At the end of the day, they run off into the night to be with someone way more important than you are.  Don’t be offended by this.  Trust no one and keep a very positive “F*ck You” attitude! 

Let’s take a look at a typical work day, shall we?  After you’ve finished reading this article, you will be able to determine if you have the chops to be someone’s personal slave right-hand man in a general office environment.  Don’t expect to be prepped for the journey you are about to take.  That wouldn’t be realistic in Cubicle Land.  Instead, we’re just going to throw you to the wolves and see how you fend for yourself.

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Most commonly, the workday opens with you complimenting your supervisor on yet another one of his boring staff lectures.  However, because you are so stoned and hung over from the night before, you are too wasted to realize that that lecture was last Thursday.  Don’t be alarmed.  There are so many of those meetings that begin and end with the same speech your boss delivers like a walking TIVO, they all sound alike.  Just continue kissing his ass and hope he doesn’t smell the alcohol that’s oozing out of your pores.  Too much talking will raise suspicion as you’d normally try to avoid any conversation with him, in effort not to be given any more work assignments, so know when to the shut up and walk away.

If you’re lucky enough to make it pass your boss unscathed, you’re off to a good start.  But you’re not out of the water yet.  It won’t be long before that very same boss calls you from your desk, by the wrong name of course, to ask you a ton of questions that you’re expected to the know the answers to, although it will probably be the first time you’ve ever heard anything about the subject in which your boss is referring.  Just nod and smile and tell him/her that you’ll get right on it.  Once you’ve wiped that discreet worried little smirk off your face, go back to your desk, take a swig of that stale coffee you got from the cafeteria and check your email.  Not your work email!  That’s too responsible.  Check your personal email.  You’re not a lazy, disgruntled employee until you’ve mastered the art of slacking off.  Who knows?  Something may be good enough to give you a reason to use sick leave for the rest of the day.  If you have a fear that your computer is being monitored, here’s what you do: after you’ve nearly killed yourself to get the answers your superior is looking for, take a baseball bat and use their head as target practice.  That way, they’ll understand the headache you got trying to obtain those damn answers.  Remember the motto for every office across the nation – “An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth.”

Congratulations!  You’ve made it through your first part of the day.  You deserve a pat on the back.  You’re looking good.  But don’t do any cartwheels just yet.  So far you’ve managed to kiss your boss’ ass, slacked off a little bit, gagged on yesterday’s coffee, scrambled to get some work done that you’d ordinarily ignore and went to lunch with someone who barely knows who you are.  Unfortunately the rest of your day will be as crappy as it was when the morning first began.  This is the point where things plummet downhill. 

Now you’re back to the office.  You have a full stomach and can’t wait to get to the bathroom to light it up with your offensive ass gas.  But wait, you’re entry badge isn’t working.  In addition to having to sh*t bricks, you now have to show your embarrassingly ugly photo id to the security guard and hope that he doesn’t bust a gut laughing at your ridiculously hideous picture. 

I would normally tell you not to sweat over this, but you know just as well as I do that that picture is far less than just bad lighting.  It’s one f*cked up picture.  No, seriously.  Oh well, one catastrophe at a time.  Accept being the butt of the joke and make a mad dash for the first restroom you see before you stink up the whole place with the bubbles building up inside your tummy.  Just don’t forget to leave a memorable message to that very same security guard, telling him exactly what you think of him.  This will probably be the hightlight of your day.  Don’t worry.  It’s almost over. 

Remember that excuse you were hoping to get that would allow you to use a few sick leave hours to get out of the office early?  Well, you can hang that up!  By now, the office has completely fallen apart and you are stressed to no end.  You’ve received an email from your kid’s babysitter informing you that an emergency has come up and that you need to pick up your offspring.  Naturally, your boss isn’t going to approve your leave and there’s no daycare facility at your job.  You have no other choice but to bring your baby back to work and scotch tape them to the bulletin board.  Don’t make it a habit.  In your colleagues’ eyes, you have a choice to make:  either work or home?  But with the money you make, you can probably build yourself a nice cardboard home right next to your office building.  How convenient would that be?! …that is if you haven’t completely keeled over from all the stress.  In that case, make sure your last will and testament is saved on your computer.  Your lunch buddy will want to know if he can get your swivel chair once you’ve kicked the bucket for good.    

That’s it!  You did it!  You made it to the end. You probably didn’t think you could do it, but you’ve come to the close of what most employees like to call “hell on Earth.”  Don’t get too hasty.  Since your id badge didn’t work and the security guard is no doubt looking for your ass for leaving that harsh message on the bathroom floor, you now have to be just as crafty and creative in getting out of the building as you were for surviving your day in general.  Well let me give you two choices:  Dig a hole and claw your way to freedom or simply burn the whole effin’ building down.  Why should you be the only miserable person in the office?  Whatever you choose, your decision will take a little effort but it’d be worth it.  Having the gall to pull it off is the main issue, though it’s not has hard as it sounds.  After all, 90% of any effort is getting started. 

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Quote of the week:   “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”

 

[Via http://hottywoodhelps.com]

Even in death you cannot escape your family, researchers says

In a new account of near death experiences, “Evidence of the Afterlife,” researchers say that typically the first and only people you encounter upon demise are your dead relatives.

While this is presented rather bravely as amazingly terrific news by the books’ authors, millions of readers may find their butts clench at the thought.

Seriously, these are the same people who you spend two days with and go, “Holy fucking cow, I need a whisky.”

To make matters worse, there is no mention of alcohol in the hundreds of near death experiences documented in the book.

The Demskyland news team is picturing an afterlife with extended family and no booze and thinking that Dante surely missed at least one if not several levels of hell if this book is to be taken seriously.

[Via http://demskyland.com]